“This feels like an HR violation.”
Hello...my name is Norberto and this is how I look:
I'm a pessimist with the self-esteem of a pimply-faced 16-year-old adolescent. I'm fat, I have permanent resting bitchface, my man boobs jiggle when I walk, my double chin vibrates when I talk, and all these insecurities have shaped me into a quiet bundle of negativity.
I've had these insecurities since middle school, when people would straight-up call me "fat and ugly." But growing up as a Mexican man who was told not to show weakness, instead of dealing with these insecurities, I just decided to bottle them up and keep them stored somewhere deep inside. For this reason, I don't really post photos of myself on Instagram, because I don't like how I look. And if I do post something, it's usually really artsy-fartsy videos featuring the back of my head.
norbertobriceno / Via instagram.com
So, at the ripe age of 28, I've decided to tackle my self-esteem problem by doing something COMPLETELY out of character: I'm going to re-create five of Cristiano Ronaldo's shirtless Instagram photos.
Why Ronaldo? Well, he's the exact opposite of me. He's the most followed man on Instagram, at over 100 million followers. He's a charismatic, camera-ready, world-class superstar athlete who looks like a fucking Adonis.
I do not look like a fucking Adonis. I have 665 followers. I don't take selfies, I hate posing for photos, and I wear dark colors and lots of layers to cover up my love handles.
Cristiano / Via instagram.com
Photo 1: The "YO! WTF ARE YOU DOING IN MY DRESSING ROOM" pose
cristiano / Via Instagram: @cristiano